Did I Do The Right Thing Regarding This Emotional Blackmailer?

My daughter has been with a man for 13 years living common law.They have 2 children that we have spent hours with throughout their lives.They are now 7 and 9 years old.Since my daughter has met this guy he has worked on and off and never likes to take the blame for anything but finger points at everyone else for his situation–claims he has back problems and is fighting WISB.They never seem to have enough money to get by on.My daughter works part-time at alow wage to pay the bills but they seem to have never enough.We have given them close to $150,000 throughout this time to help them. Just the last 2 years we gave them $50000 cash but all is gone.We have provided them with many food vouchers to pay for groceries and have paid their rent.. Recently they have asked us
if they could move in .My wife and I feel we have done enough..My son in law has not worked for the last 9 months -blames the government,doctors, his place of previous employment (for not receiving wsib) and other people all the time for his situation.He has no job,no benefits,and has angry outbursts now and then.We want him to get a job and look after his family financially. . We got some emails from him stating how bad things are going financially so we arranged my wife and I to meet at their place to discuss a solution.
We told our daughter she and her two children could come back home and live us and we will look after them financially till her common in law husband finds a job.We told him we do not want him to move into our house–but to look for work out on his own,and get established somewhere then come back and get his family.We feel this is the best way and he would not just sit around our place and only then he will break his daily dead end cycle.He flew off the handle, told me and my wife to get out of their apartment and F–k-O-f and he said we are no longer grandparents.He would rather see his kids,wife and himself sink altogether–it is all about him.(He is 47 years old,our daughter is 37 we are in our 60’s) but why should we keep supporting this guy? He said I am your son-in-law and we have to.I believe he felt we were trying to break-up his family but he has got to change his direction—he is falling further behind financially.You can see sometimes helping someone out trying to give him a chance in life –he throws mud at you.We have not heard back from them for 6 days now.I am hoping my daughter will see some light and dump this manipulative loser and come home.She says he just has these out burst of anger but she still supports him.I am really disappointed in him.I will not cave into him–he wants to come here then we get to see the grandchildren(This is really low down emotional blackmail)—I do not want him around here after swearing at my wife and I and after giving him all that cash—what a fool we have been.

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7 Responses to “Did I Do The Right Thing Regarding This Emotional Blackmailer?”

  1. Jan says:

    Yes, you did the right thing. I just wish you had did it before you had given him all that money! He sounds like someone who is a total loser. He also sounds like he is lazy and I don’t think he will ever go to work if he thinks he can get by without working. Just be patient, your daughter may come to her senses, in the meantime, go on a vacation, don’t sit around waiting!

  2. Ajitpal says:

    You did the right thing and you have no obligation to take care of him and support him. he doesnt even have the right to his family if he cant even supprt them. if he wanta to act like a dead beat then thats his problem. if you do find out that your grandchildren are not being properly taken care of then get the authorities involved. im sure once they see the whole story and hear your side you wont have a problem seeing them and maybe then your daughter also might realize what hes like and leave him.

  3. Linda says:

    You have absolutely done the right thing, but I think you should have cut them off a long time ago. i get occasionally loaning money to family if something bad happens, but your daughter and her husband totally took advantage of you. I get that as their parent, you want to make sure your grandkids are provided for, but their parents need to learn how to do that themselves (though yeah, if they’re not feeding the kidsor anything, you may want to get the authorities involved as another poster said). A family of four cannot live on one part time job. I don’t know about the severity of your son in law’s back problems, but at the very least, your daughter should be looking for full time work to keep the family afloat instead of having to rely on Mom and Dad.

  4. Beautifu says:

    Me and my husband were in situation like this, only as the kids. My parents let me and my kids come home but not my husband. At first there was resentment, but now I understand their reasons and see their point of view. She is your child, and the kids your grandchildren. You owe no one anything, but you choose to help. You do not need to feel bad about putting your foot down on him. Stick with your decision or forever live to keep him living the cushy life you’ve been providing. At their ages, it’s time for them to grow up and take their own finances.

  5. Sue C says:

    You have certainly gone over, above & beyond in helping your daughter & the total looser she is choosing to stay with. How much could anyone be expected to do ALL you’ve done so lovingly, so freely for them?! We all love our children unconditionally, BUT he has gone far over, above & beyond deserving anymore assistance of ANY kind. How much can you be expected to keep giving & giving!!! There should be NO “stipulations” against you as to when you should choose to see your grand children. THIS your daughter MUST straighten out with him. I would be totally embarrassed to even be associated with such a person. No doubt about the fact he has used & abused you to the max. He would not get another single thing from me, not even the time of day!!! Your daughter so badly needs a good wake up call & get herself away from such a looser. He has emotionally, verbally, & mentally abused all of you. ONLY your daughter can put a stop to this. Hopefully you & your wife can have a serious talk with her, have her & her children leave him, live with you, with NO correspondence with him until HE gets his life straightened out. IF she doesn’t do something soon, she’s going to find herself out on the streets. I KNOW how it is to love your children as I have 3 adult children of my own. But comes a time where we MUST use “tough love”, do what we KNOW in our hearts we MUST do & hopefully it will be a “wake up call” for them to do what they KNOW is the rite thing to do. Have a talk with her, lay ALL the cards on the table, hopefully you’re able to get thru to her…I SO wish you all the best…:)

  6. nadie says:

    I applaud your decision and the balls you had to do it, I bet it was hard, but it’s for the best. Some birds need to be pushed out of the nest so they can learn how to fly, this grown man is still being fed by grown ups, to the point of people chewing food and putting in his throat.
    I hope your daughter sees daylight soon, she will be so much better without a guy that not only does not provide, but spends, eats and has the nerve to have burts of anger. As if he had the right.

  7. The Original GarnetGlitter says:

    You have been enabling him with your generous gifts of cash, Hon…yes, I know it’s your concern for your daughter and those grand babies but there comes a time when you have to let your daughter stand on her own to feet and take charge of her life….
    As hard as this will be, refuse to give them any more money…if the children need clothing, shoes, and food you will supply SOME of that, but no more cash and certainly nothing for the adults here….either he will get off his lazy AZZ or your daughter will wise up and leave his lazy Azz…all you have accomplished doing is making it easy for The Bum and for your daughter to turn a blind eye to The Bum….only when she gets fed up will she come back home with her kids in tow….and if she leaves him, there is nothing he can do.

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