Do You See Any Flaws In My Essay?

Two Political Candidates
The candidate that wins this election will touch the lives of all Americans, some more deeply than others. Voters will choose the person that will control the well-being, and livelihood of all Americans. On Tuesday, November 6,2012, voters will pick a candidate, a choice that will the shape the United States and influence the world for four years. The winner will be tested by planned public functions and their reactions to sudden unpredicted events. Voters can only go by each candidate’s history, what they say they will do for the country and by what has been reveled about each candidate along the way. When voters make their decision, they will not only be choosing between two different men but two different plans for America entirely.
Four years after the U.S. financial almost collapsed, Americans are still trying figure out how to heal the economy. Obama plans to tax the wealthy more, and end tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. He plans to spend more on job training, education, infrastructure and, new energy sources. On the other side are Romney’s ideas for getting the government out the way of economic growth by streamlining the certain tax codes, and lowering taxes and regulations on businesses, reducing federal deficits, and curbing environmental regulations to encourage oil and gas production. To repair the nation’s tax code, marginal rates must be brought down to stimulate entrepreneurship, job creation, and investment, while still raising the revenue needed to fund a smaller, smarter, simpler government. The principle of fairness must be preserved in federal tax and spending policy.“ The candidate with the plan that seems to be the best fit for the economy will ultimately be chosen.
Healthcare discounts and costs are a big part of the economy. Obama care is at risk. Keeping the president’s program in place means expanding coverage for people with low income and the uninsured, and also keeping costs down for patients with pre-existing conditions. Romney would end Obama’s health care law save money and the law that almost everyone have health coverage. Romney has been reported as saying, “ I would repeal all of ObamaCare and replace it with I think the kinds of reforms we really need. Now and then the President says I’m the grandfather of ObamaCare. I don’t think he meant that as a compliment, but I’ll take it. I’m proud of the fact that in my state, after our plan was put in place, every child has insurance, 98% of adults have insurance, but we didn’t have to cut Medicare by $716 billion to do that. We didn’t raise taxes on health companies by $500 billion as the President did. And so we crafted a program that worked for our state, and I believe the right course for healthcare reform is to say for each state we’re going to give you the Medicaid dollars you’ve had in the past, plus grow them with inflation, plus 1%, and you as the states are now going to be given targets to move people towards insurance and you craft programs that are right for your state. Some will copy what we did; others will find better solutions.”The people with the financial means to provide health care for themselves and their families are likely to vote for Romney.
The ongoing deficit is a prime concern of Americans. Obama wants to slow spending gradually, and raise taxes on the richest Americans. Romney wants immediate, large spending cuts across government, excluding the military. Retirement programs, such as Medicare and Social Security, are very insecure currently and are being considered to be altered to slow the deficit. Romney wants to slowly raise the Social Security age and lower benefits for wealtier retirees. Obama wants to keep Medicare the way it is. Obama also wants to protect Social Security, but he has not yet given input on how he plans to do this. “The reality to Social Security is this is a much less imminent problem than Medicare. We’ve extended the life of Medicare by close to a decade with the changes that Governor Romney wants to repeal. But social security a more distant problem. One that needs a solution, but it isn’t as pressing as the Medicare issue.”

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3 Responses to “Do You See Any Flaws In My Essay?”

  1. Dirty says:

    You have no sources, you can’t believe everything you hear on TV. Your paper loses credibility when you have no sources and no citations.

  2. justsome says:

    I see you used passive voice quite a few times, try to reword them. See below, I put them in quotations where you need to re-word:
    The winner “will be tested” by planned public functions and their reactions to sudden unpredicted events.
    Voters can only go by each candidate’s history, what they say “they will do for the country and by what has been reveled about each candidate along the way”.
    The candidate with the plan that seems to be the best fit for the economy “will ultimately be chosen”.
    “and also keeping” costs down for patients with preexisting (< - -one word) conditions. And so we crafted a program that worked for our state, and I believe the right course for health care (< - - - two words) reform is to say for each state we're going to give you the Medicaid dollars you've had in the past, plus grow them with inflation, plus 1%, and you as the states are now going to be given targets to move people towards insurance and you craft programs that are right for your state. (make this into shorter sentences) are very insecure currently and "are being considered to be altered" to slow the deficit. Romney wants to slowly "raise" the "We’ve" (should be we have) extended the life of Medicare by close to a decade with the changes that Governor Romney wants to repeal. But social security a more distant problem. (Seriously? lol Put a comma before this sentence.) Obama Care < - - is two words not one. Wealthier < - - you spelled this incorrectly. Hope this helps? My one english teacher probably would've smacked me for tinier mistakes ha ha after writing/typing? Walk away, forget about it then come back after doing something. Read over it, slowly and act as if the punctuation and marks make the sentences flow together. Best I can do, good luck. On an off note? I was just looking at your sentence structure and less towards the subject because it's a controversial subject.

  3. green3ch says:

    Give me an opening paragraph that grabs my attention. The world is at the brink of economic collapse. The dollar has been shored up countless times in the past by presidents entering office. Can the next president stabilize the dollar and prevent the devaluation of the Euro and other economies before the impending collapse? That would grab my attention.
    You ramble. Pick three subjects and give me a rundown on the three subjects. Then tell me what would be different if Romnesia got in v.s. Obama.
    Finally, give me an analysis based on who you think in your mind would win the election.
    Good essay, very thought provoking.

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