How can I best deal with my partners daughter?

My partner and I have been together for 2 years but one of his girls who is 20 is a real challenge. I am really struggling to know how to deal with her.

She dosn’t work, go to college, rejects any positive help to move her on with that situation (Ok I know its hard in the UK right now for work etc but still), claims depression and anxiety (but am not sure), took marijuana from a street dealer to drop it off somewhere and then alleged she had been arrested, cautioned and had the drugs confiscated (we called the police to iron out the matter and she hadn’t even been arrested), possibly stolen belongings from my partner, had a fight with her boyfriend in my partners home whilst he was working away which resulted in the police being called and his landlords getting involved, she denied and still denies all of that.

I understand that she is 20 and may be "going through a phase" but I just can’t stand the girls behaviour at the moment. I am not a false person and find it very difficult to spend time with people who I just don’t like plus she is also very difficult to spend happy times with anyway. Nothing is ever right, she is always moaning or feels too weak to do anything, basically puts a cloud on any fun, light times we have and is to be frank, unpleasant company. Of course my partner loves his daughter, wants to spend time with her and wants me to spend time with him and his family but I am at the point now where I would rather just not spend any time with her until her behaviour improves (hopefully!) and that leaves me feeling akward and a little guilty. I only have the weekends to lighten up and enjoy my life and resent spending time with anybody who spoils that.
PS thankfully she dosn’t live with me! because of her behaviour she is in between her Dad, Mum and Grandparents depending on where the latest trouble has been caused.

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5 Responses to “How can I best deal with my partners daughter?”

  1. John says:

    I understand it must be hard, sometimes parents (your partner) make mistakes but this behavior is not tolerable, you need to get all people involved in raising her together so her parents and grandparents and you all need to come to a deal with it, that she either joins college and starts behaving and doing as she is told at home (curfews, clothes etc) and she starts working towards her future, or she moves out and gets a job in 30 days and will recieve no help from the family unless she becomes successful in her new job and home and becomes a better person because of it or she wishes to move home and follow the original deal.

    best of luck I hope it works out

  2. Pearl L says:

    just dont spend time with her

  3. Jacquline says:

    Just give her space. She’s mad her dad is with someone else. I’m 20 and I’m still mad my mom left my dad about 4 years ago.
    My fiancee has a little girl and I keep my space. She’s young and doesn’t need to be confused. She started calling me mom and that’s when I started backing away. Now I’m barely around her when its his weekend and my fiancee gets very angry because I don’t want to be around her. I know its different from a 2 yr old and a 20 yr old. But she needs her space from you and her father needs to spend some time with her expressing he will always love her

  4. Heather says:

    She has issues… which is obvious. I don’t know your situation, but if the behavior continues she won’t come back up. Unfortunately, you cannot do anything except limit your exposure to her. She seems to need a dose of tough love. I can understand tantrums and phases. My parents divorced when I was 22, and my siblings and I had difficulties with it, but not getting a job, drugs (regardless of how dangerous or not), and lying… She won’t get better. I’ve had phases similar to that. Very selfish and lazy, but my parents (divided or together) have always taken the approach that they will not help those who do not help themselves. If it wasn’t for the "tough love" I wouldn’t have grown up. It’s up to your partner and his ex to do something…. I’m sorry this may not help.

  5. francismoncot says:

    Put her over your knee and give her a good spanking

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