how do I deal with this?

My 13yr old cat Jess died in the early hrs 26/02 but it was a natural death as we didn’t make it to the vets in time to be able to help him.
I’ve lost cats in the past but they were all ‘put to sleep’ by the vet and much as that was bad enough to go through, I didn’t realise how different (horrifying) a natural death would be.
I can’t get it out of my head, can’t stop thinking about it, have had nightmares every night since (re-playing it each night in my sleep).
How to deal with something like this??

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11 Responses to “how do I deal with this?”

  1. troublesniffer says:

    {{{Kat}}}} Gentle hugs.

    What I am picking up from what you are writing about is that there may be a part of you that feels guilty about not getting Jess to the vet in time to help him. Often when thoughts keep disturbing us and hard to forget, there is a powerful emotion attached not only to the loss, but something about what we did or did not do.

    Losing a beloved pet can be devastating, and often it takes a long time to heal our sorrow.

    Several years ago I had an eight year Siamese cat who was my soul mate kitty. His name was Mousie Tongue. He had a serious condition which required surgery but we thought he would recover and do really well. Unfortunately he had an underlying condition which we did not learn about until his necropsy. I had been considering euthanasia since he was so terribly sick and not getting better, and was hospitalized in the ICU section of our vet’s clinic for 6 weeks. I visited him every day, and one afternoon he died in my arms while I was there. It was a shock and took me a very long time to deal with it. Since I was ambivolent about euthanasia, Mousie actually to that decision out of my hands. Both my vet and I still feel really badly about what happened.

    One way that I deal with guilt is to write a letter to the person with whom I feel guilt, and tell them how I feel. I don’t write it to send it to them, because generally they are not feeling the same way.. but it helps me get my feelings out.

    When we want to help and feel we did not do enough it can haunt us.. the "what ifs" are really so destructive.
    I strongly feel that our pets know we are trying to help them, and don’t want us to suffer… they knew they were loved.

    I do hope this helps some.. and grief has no timetable.

    Troublesniffer
    Owned by cats for over 40 years
    Member: The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement

  2. Alice C says:

    I’ve had the same with my cats, all i can say is it takes time. I know it’s been a few years since you lost Jess but time will help. Make a memory box with his toys and photos and when you feel sad take a look. I’m sure you looked after him well and he’s lucky to have had a good life with a caring owner xx

  3. DevilsAngel says:

    My cat Jasper was put to sleep age nine. We took him to the vets thinking he had a cold, and it turned out he has a heart murmur and his lungs had filled up with fluid and the vet could not do anything for him. It was so hard because it was so sudden. I was not expecting it at all. I was with him when he died. I am glad I was there, but for weeks after he died, every night all I could think about was seeing him being out to sleep. I would re play the whole thing in my mind over and over, and I would just cry. It broke my heart to see his life end. But now, a few months down the line, when I think about him, its always happy thoughts. I do not think about him dying now, I just remember him playing, and being happy. Your cat was thirteen, she had a good life, and I bet she was happy. And even though your sad that she is gone, just try not to think about her death and think about the happy times. People think I am nuts to get so upset, but they are not just cats, they are family. Try thinking about something positive before bed. Your are having the dreams because it is playing on your mind. Hope I have helped.

  4. DAWN J says:

    it will take time but you will get over it.i know that seeing your cat lying there is frightening,but just think that he fell asleep and didn’t suffer.sorry for your loss.

  5. gymnastiksxdiva says:

    i was going through the same things as you, it sounds stupid "its only a cat!" but its not like that.
    my story: i was washing someones car and my cat came towards me, i picked her fluffy little body up and she jumped right out of my arms because she heard the noise of a loud car engine, she ran towards my house and the car hit her head. i was frozen, stiff, white in the face. i watched her in pain as she was jumping up and down in the road, she was actually holding her head, there was blood everywhere. her jumps became more and more weaker. i got sadder and sadder. she dropped to the ground. i ran across the road and looked at her. her face was mangled up, her head had hit the side of the car and she was unconscious. there was a weak pulse. my hopes died as soon as she stopped breathing. i felt like i was suffocating. i stroked her beautiful tail and ran my hand down her bleeding cheek. i had lost her.
    it happened all so quick. she had a sister too. ;(

    as time goes on you learn to stop crying every day. you still remember them but not 24/7.

  6. Gosling says:

    My cat died three weeks ago from natural death in my arms. She was almost 17 years old, and we knew it would be soon, but she was to healthy to have put down. I grew up on a farm and have seen animals go in many different ways, most not good. I still miss her but was glad I chose not to have her put down sooner, and was with her at the end, mine had a seizure then quit breathing with in a minute then her heart stopped soon after that, all in my arms. I do not know your condition under which you lost yours, but I feel for you, someone or thing who has been a part of your life for so long to be gone, to deal with it, you must realize you gave her a good life and the end came quickly. That is all any of us can do, your cat lived a good life and you loved it, try to keep that in your head.

  7. TENI says:

    It does happen, remember 12×7 is 91 years old. Cat must had died of heart failure.

    Sorry for your loss, but remember this…
    Out of this 13 yrs, he had a great home, well taken care of, and a loving parents!

    Hang in there.. prayers sent to cat travel to kitten land..

  8. rosebud says:

    maybe you should get a dog any other pet but a cat.

  9. anndonuk says:

    May be you can take some comfort from the fact he went peacefully in his own home surrounded by familiar things and smells.
    My old cat had lung cancer and went down hill very fast. Each morning I got up and prayed she had gone peacefully in her sleep. In the end I had to give in and take her to the vets. I don’t regret putting her to sleep in the end as she was beginning to suffer but as I had had her since she was born ( I had her mum) I was hoping I could spare her the trauma of a vet trip this one last time.
    I can only hope that you beging to feel better about this as time goes on.

  10. lavender says:

    you have had a terrible shock, years ago my 16 year old childhood dog was booked into the vets for the next day to be put to sleep but he died that very night at home with his family around him, even thinking about it all these years later wells me up,but strangely it brought me great comfort knowing it really was his time to go and he was with the people he loved

  11. rennickelizabe says:

    it isn’t easy to lose a pet but with time it gets easier remember he is now at peace and happy and running around with other kitties get another little cat to love as you will be giving the love you would have given jess

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