How do you deal with it?

Last nite I found out that its VERY possible that my Grandfather may have bowl cancer. . . he so ill and i dont even reckonise him anymore. How do you deal with something like this? Ive been through alot in my life already but he’s like a dad to me.

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16 Responses to “How do you deal with it?”

  1. Nawbady says:

    There are various ways that you can choose from with this situation. My mother recently died from complications with breast cancer. I found that the best way for myself to deal with it so too be as up beat, positive, and joking as you can. Everybody is or is going to be highly stressed, depressed, and generally unhappy. If you can find any reasons to make your Grandfather, your parents, yourself, the doctors and nurses laugh, everything goes a lot smoother and happier. This creates much more happy memories that both your grandfather and yourself can pull on in the future. Be as happy as you can. Thats what got me through my mothers breast cancer. I will always remember laughing with my mom, even when she was loosing her hair, weight, and her general health. She went very happy in the end. Make your Grandfather happy and you yourself will be happy.

    I have a site here that takes you to the National Cancer Institute and they have all sorts of links that can and will help you out. I hope this helps.

  2. hanmabookie says:

    Be there for him. You can’t suffer for him, or feel his pain, but just your company will make the difference. Talk to him, but don’t give him pity. Be funny, be serious, be sad, whatever the occasion calls for. Just be there, and that will be enough.

  3. ehc11 says:

    You’ve got to be strong and supportive for his sake. It’s not nice seeing relatives change beyond recognition, I know from experience. I hope that your family pulls together to support each other and thet your friends are there for you too.

    Good luck!

  4. Graham L says:

    Its very very tough hun, and very difficult to understand or accept.

    This is something where there are no easy answers.

  5. perfectlybaked says:

    Well, some religions believe in a resurrection of those who pass away. We just don’t know when specifically. I was actually raised in one such religion. Other than that, what other priests may say may be vague and inconsistent.

    I actually believe what I was taught. I have no living grandfather myself on either my dad or my mom’s side, but there is hope for you and me.

  6. glynis4673 says:

    Firstly I am so sorry, you just have to be there for him and help as much as you can. It depends as well on the prognosis you know. Not all cancer is terminal and the best thing you can do is find out what treatment he may have to have and support him all the way. He will also be scared though may not want to show that

    You may need some counselling yourself on how to come to terms with it, there are many self help groups which will be able to help you.

    Good Luck

  7. byedabye says:

    I’m in that position. Although I may not be as close to my grandad as you are, I have watched his rapid decline. My grandad has inoperable prostate and bone cancer and it is only a matter of time. Its so sad, he doesnt even remember my name! I hold up my chin and go to visit as often as possible, I treat him no different and enjoy every minute I have with him, I try not to think about the end it will only upset me and that is the last thing he needs right now.

    I know it will be hard but even if you dont recognise him, he is still the same man you know and love, you need to be there for him because at this point in his illness he needs to know he is loved.

    I hope things turn out ok for you, just try and take it in your stride.

  8. chris says:

    It’s a sad time.
    You have to cope, this is what life is about.

  9. preetty please says:

    juz remember wadeva he did…

  10. Lauren S says:

    I lost my Grandfather (who was also like a Dad) to stomach cancer. It is a horrible thing to have to watch a loved one suffer (sorry if this isn’t helping) but I found comfort in the fact that although the cancer had ravished his body and taken him from me, from an unselfish point of view, at least after he passed away he didn’t have to put up with the pain or suffering any more.

    For now, enjoy the time that you do have with him, tell him you love him, and acknowledge and thank him for the fact that he has done more for you in your life than you could have ever wished for. Be there to support him, or just keep him company, and be brave.

    The very very best of luck to the both of you.

  11. Interested in LA says:

    How do I deal with it? I have faith/trust in God, and His goodness. I believe that God never wills evil, but sometimes allows it when he can work it for a greater good for the people involved. I’ve been through the deaths of 12+ people in the last 20 years, including my father and my little sister. My little sister’s was the hardest because it was unexpected, but God consoled me even then. You are fortunate to have enough of a warning to be able to say what needs to be said to your grandfather, and he is lucky to know the end is coming so he can prepare himself to meet the Lord.

    I think sometimes God lets robust men fall into illnesses before they die because that type of suffering helps them to let go of this life and want to go on to the next. I’ve seen that a couple of times with older men I’ve known who have passed.

    I’m a Christian, and my family mourns in the light and hope of Jesus’ Resurrection, so there is a limit to our suffering. We cry a little at the wake, but they usually turn into family reunions that include a little laughter and a lot of gratitude for a chance to see distant ( I mean that they live far away) relatives.

    I’ve been to services where the family does not believe. Those are the saddest. They do not know the consolation of God and it shows. I’ve been stuck a couple of times at the depth and hopelessness they feel in their loss. For them it is a permanent loss because they have no hope of being re-united at the Second Coming of Christ. Lots more crying at those than at ours, and it is harder to know what to say besides, "I’m so sorry."

    I pray that the Lord will heal your grandfather if it is not his time to go home, or let him pass easily if He is calling him to his eternal reward. It is a suffering when we feel helpless to help a loved one who is suffering. Some of the other people answering this questions said some really good things about being supportive, loving and humorous when possible. Never underestimate the comfort your loving gaze will give him even when he can’t tell you so.

    Eating well and getting as much normal sleep as possible will also help you cope and help you to be their for him.

    Some people get mad at God for a while when he "takes" a loved one. Rest assured that God is plenty big enough to listen to whatever you need to say to him. Scripture says he is constant in his affection for you. Speak to Him from your heart.

    My prayers are with you and your family.

  12. amgam76 says:

    I am very sorry to hear that, I have been through the same, was raised by my Papaw and he passed away from colon and bowel cancer. There is no easy way to get through this, just make sure to spend as much time with him as possible while he is still around. Trust me, it may be hard now, but you will be thankful you did in the long run, and it will mean so much to him. Then try to get into some loss/grief counseling if you can, always focus on the good times, start a scrap book of the good memories when he was healthy, and keep a photo close by of when he was healthy, it helps you get through seeing him so sick everyday. I hope this helps atleast a little, and my prayers are with you and your family, and praying for the Lord to take his pain away.

  13. jojo78 says:

    talk about it to close members of your family and just be there for him and try to act normal around him, you will learn to deal with it because thats life and although you cant see it now, it will make you a stronger person.
    i hope you grandfather does get better and it isnt bowel cancer
    takr care

  14. Roxy says:

    Just love him for as long as you have him. I lost my Nana 9 years ago and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her – I would give anything to have two minutes with her to cuddle her and tell her I love her (though I think she still knows!). Death comes to us all in the end, the best you can do is treasure every precious second with your Ganddad.

  15. Kumar says:

    Hold on. Handle the situation bravely.
    Always remember that there are many worse off than you.

  16. gabs says:

    All the best!

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