What Do You Think Of The Beginning Of My Story?

I was never a normal child. I had always found the games of others to be tedious and was therefore often detached from others. Most people had always overlooked this, assuming that it was just a phase and soon i would be a ”normal’ child. However, as in every year, Some of the more vulgur children made comments usually followed by a chorus of giggles. Being so young, i simply discounted the hurtful words, believing that the pests would soon bore of the teasing.

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12 Responses to “What Do You Think Of The Beginning Of My Story?”

  1. Emma says:

    Very creative with an excellent use of imaginative vocabulary (ugh I feel like an English tracher) look forward to reading more

  2. alan says:

    that is better than anything i have ever written…. how did you write that can you give me some tips?…….

  3. Rainbowl says:

    The actual writing of it is very good, but reading it, i feel like the serious problems were introduced too early, i need to get to know the character a little bit more before i start learning stuff about their past like bullying issues. that’s just my opinion. I would suggest for the introduction paragraph writing about the very present, or maybe an anecdote from their past 🙂 good luck!

  4. Jackie m says:

    Sounds like the details of someone with aspergers syndrome or autism?

  5. Farmehr says:

    You Look like me
    start the story like movie ( incredible hulk ) or some thing like that
    Good luck

  6. Adhara says:

    Very good, but remember that even though it’s fine to start the story like this, you need to show rather than tell as much as possible 🙂

  7. Alice says:

    The first line catches my eye immediately! It makes me want to know why the character was never a normal child. The rest of it makes me want to read on and not stop reading! If you keep going like this then I’ll definitely take the book off the shelf and read it! I’m eager to find out more!!!

  8. Beth says:

    Meh. Its been done once, it’s been done a thousand times. To me, right where you cut off is where you swing in with your amazing twist, “but those scourges of the schoolyard society didn’t stop. They should have. Oh, God, they should have. Maybe, then, they wouldn’t of had to die”. I don’t know.
    I think the effectiveness of your writing is alright. I can certainly follow it, and feel the beginning of something, but every once in a while you need to punch your readers in the face. Make them feel the pain, taste blood on the back of their throats.
    Good luck.

  9. Danielle says:

    I ADORE your vocab and your grammar, your character sounds formal which is pretty cool. If I picked up your book, I would totally keep treading it.

  10. Tom says:

    Pros
    -Nice vocabulary
    -I like the line “a chorus of giggles”
    Cons
    -I am really confused with what actually happened, apart from some kid getting teased for having autism or something
    -Some of the writing is unrealistically written- nobody really says they’ve “discounted hurtful words”
    Neutral
    -I’m not entirely sure if there’s enough conflict to carry the story forward. I think if it were longer I could tell

  11. Ithyl says:

    Firstly I would change the format of sentence 2, having two of the same word like that in a sentence can be a problem.
    Otherwise it’s very well written and has a good storyline beginning. The wording is great and helps to solidify the fact that the character is different that most people.
    Good luck!

  12. Sophia says:

    It’s fantastic, but you’ll want some character development after that, and introduce yourself a bit more.

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