What To Do About Mother Who Hates Boyfriend Or How To Confront Her?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, and have never really broken up. We talk daily online via video messaging (and when we are not video messaging, we are text messaging). We truly are very happy together and our personalities just go together. He is 21 and I am 17.
There is one problem- my mom. My mom has never liked my boyfriend. He is disabled and can not work. He provides me with gas money to come see him and he pays for lunch or dinner when I come see him. He does try to work and seeks employment, but can not work in a traditional workplace. I also have to drive to come see him, and that is because he is legally not allowed to drive with his conditions. My mother has made rules such as ones like I can not get to see him every month. One of the silly rules that I am talking about, was how she said that I can not go and see him every month (this month has been a lucky month because I’ve actually gotten to see him twice). Another silly rule example is that we are going to a school dance and he has to spend the night at our house over night. I can not go out to lunch with him before the dance, my parents have to drive us to the dance after I bring him to our house, and he must sleep outside in a separate building on the property (and the building has electricity, but is not heated and the dance is in November). I asked her since we can not have lunch together before the dance, then can we do lunch the day after the dance, and she said maybe brunch and then I have to head right back home.
Another fact I would like to bring up is that she believes that we are either sexually active or something (I don’t even know what). One day I was cleaning my very large fish tank in my room and was talking to my boyfriend online (just audio and no video) and my fish jumped up and splashed water on my shirt and pants. My mom came back and started to knock on my door when I was putting new clothes on, and now she thinks that I am showing him things online. And before that, when I ordered new panty hose online from a store that she claims sells lingerie, she starts to text my phone that she knows the place I ordered the new panty hose from sells “sexy clothing”, then proceeds to open my package, when I was not home, and proceeds to find out that I was, in fact, telling the truth (I bought them for Business Week for when we had to present our business plans to “investors”).
Being around my mom makes my boyfriend incredibly uncomfortable to the point that he is completely stressed out and it can make him sick. She is getting on all of my nerves as well. She claims that she doesn’t have a problem with him, but it is very evident that she does. Is there any way that we can find a middle ground? How can I bring this up to her? I have an older brother, and when he was in high school, his girlfriends could come over and stay until later hours of the night and be allowed to spend “alone time” together for extended periods of time.
Some other important information would be that I am going to online school, and my boyfriend and I typically video chat for 3-7 hours a day and IM the other parts of the day. I am graduating a year early, so I am not irresponsible. I have a job as a sales associate at an Elderbeerman store. He really does try to budget his money to show that he is a responsible person when we do things together (and getting $30 a week for living expenses is not a lot). When we are together, we are either in a public area (like having a picnic at a public park or doing his weekly shopping) or supervised at his house (he pays rent at his parent’s house), so nothing sexual is happening between us. My mom just does not have trust in me at all.
I just don’t really know what to do. If this continues, then we will not attend the charity dance my school was having, and maybe not even the prom in May (which I am a member on the prom committee and helping plan). I’m just not sure what her problem is. Any help would be appreciated.

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One Response to “What To Do About Mother Who Hates Boyfriend Or How To Confront Her?”

  1. ivy says:

    i think you should lie to your mom. say to her you dumped him and then be sad about it and she will see that you are getting depressed and then she will hopefully allow you to date him. But best part is you will be still with him just undercover. what a master plan i am really a genius true genius

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